


Carry You

by Lif61 (UltimateFandomTrash)



Series: #SpnStayAtHome [10]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Healing, Love, M/M, POV Castiel, POV Dean Winchester, Romance, SPNStayAtHome, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:35:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24632395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltimateFandomTrash/pseuds/Lif61
Summary: Sam and Jack have been captured by God, and Dean, blaming himself has lost Castiel. But the two communicate with each other in the ways they can, they search for each other, and they come together again to save their family.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: #SpnStayAtHome [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1704448
Comments: 6
Kudos: 13





	Carry You

**Author's Note:**

> This took me longer than I expected, and I’m a day late, but this story required a lot of my attention to make it work. After all, it is my last entry for #SpnStayAtHome. Thank you so much for hosting this, and for reminding me why I love Destiel. I went through some hard stuff that made me turn away from this ship more than I realized. This really brought me back to a place I wanted to be. I love Destiel. I love writing. This was to keep everyone occupied and positive during our own apocalypse, but I just want y’all to know this meant a lot to me and helped me heal in some ways I hadn’t realized I’d needed. So thank you.
> 
> And, since this is my last fic for #SpnStayAtHome, I decided to go over the top, and instead of just picking a song lyric as a prompt, I picked an entire song, and wrote a songfic. It’s “Carry You (feat. Fleurie)” by Ruelle.
> 
> If you're gay like me and like to see beautiful women in ethereal gold and silver dresses in Iceland, check out the music video. ["Carry You (feat. Fleurie)" by Ruelle - Music Video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rKwPblSdQA)

_I know it hurts_

_It’s hard to breathe sometimes_

_These nights are long_

_You’ve lost the will to fight_

God, it was too much. It was all just _too much_. They couldn’t do this. Not without Jack, without Sam. Their family was—

Dean heaved in a shaky breath where he sat in the woods by the bunker. The night was dark and starless. Yet Dean looked up there, believing in… believing in _something_ ; maybe not God, but someone was up there, right?

Right? There had to be.

Sam was as good as dead.

His kid was—

His kid was likely just the same. They hadn’t stood a chance against God, the cruel creator of the universe. This wasn’t the ending that God had said was planned for them, but maybe it was still an ending, a consolation prize because he couldn’t get the real-deal.

Dean was so lost, alone…

That was in part because he’d driven away from Cas. Just left him there on the side of that dirt road, not able to look at him, not able to see the loss and hurt in those blue eyes. If Dean had stared right at him, it would be to admit his wrong, to face his failure. It was his plan that’d gone south, his plan that had taken everything away from them. But he couldn’t do it.

His family couldn’t be—

“I’m sorry,” Dean said, voice a broken sob, vision blurred with tears. “God, I’m so sorry. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. We were finally a family again, and… And I took that away.”

He didn’t even know who the words were for. For Sam and Jack? For Castiel? For himself?

He just didn’t know.

His heart ached so fiercely he could barely breathe. Shadows cloaked him in absolute darkness.

_Is anybody out there?_

_Can you lead me to the light?_

_Is anybody out there?_

_Tell me it’ll all be alright_

Castiel was dialing Dean’s number into his phone. Though Dean was in his contacts, had been for over a decade, he liked to put in his number, liked to _remember_ who this number belonged to. About to tap on the call button on the screen, Castiel just stood there. He’d walked and walked down that dirt road that seemingly had no end. And only a lone star amidst the heavy clouds shone down upon him.

_Dean won’t pick up,_ he told himself. There was no reason for him to.

They were done.

Rended apart.

But…

No, they couldn’t be.

They’d always been there for each other, had each other’s backs. They’d brought each other back from the darkest places, and they would _not_ go down like this.

The anger, the sheer frustration at not having his family around him, gave Castiel the energy to tap on the screen.

It rang.

And rang, and rang, and rang.

Finally:

“This is Dean’s other, _other_ cell. If you’re calling, you know what to do.”

The beep to let Castiel say his message sounded, filling him with disappointment, and though he knew Dean would probably never hear it, he had to speak. He just had to.

“Dean, it’s me. It’s Castiel. I know…” He breathed in, tears lining his eyes, his throat aching. “I know it’s all gone to hell. And I know He took your brother, our son. Listen, Sam’s my best friend, and I love Jack more than anything in this world. But I need you too. I know you’re probably moping somewhere, with a beer, and—and thinking you screwed up. Well, you didn’t screw up, Dean. You didn’t. You believed in them. You believed in us — believed in _me_. Now you have to believe in yourself too. And if you can’t…” Castiel sighed, not sure he wanted to say this next part, knowing if he did there’d be no going back. Dean would know what this meant, know what it meant more than the words _I love you_ could ever convey. Because they didn’t do _I love you_. Instead they sacrificed, and gave, and bled. Instead it was hope, and faith, and what they had always needed from their fathers. Things they’d never gotten. Spurred on by the tears that fell, Castiel went on, “And if you can’t, then I’ll believe in you. I’ve always believed in you, even when it went against my orders. But there are no more orders. There’s just” — the dial tone sounded, Castiel’s message having run too long — “you,” he finished.

He slowly lowered his phone, blinking away tears.

And he searched for Dean.

He needed him, otherwise all this hurt would take hold in ways it never had before.

_You are not alone_

_I’ve been here the whole time_

_Singing you a song_

_I will carry you_

_I will carry you_

“Cas, I’m sorry,” Dean prayed, tears now freely running down his cheeks. “I didn’t mean— didn’t mean to leave you. You gotta believe me, I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean it. All those… all those times I’ve left you… I’ve never meant it. Not for one second. So you come back to me. You come back. Just… Just tell me I’m not alone.”

On instinct, Dean reached for his phone in his pocket, but it was dead. He’d killed it hours ago, and out here, there wasn’t a place to charge it.

This was only a place for being alone.

God, Dean was so sick of being alone.

He got up and settled himself into the driver’s seat of the Impala, the engine purring with a thrumming intensity beneath him.

“Okay, Cas, I’m coming to you.”

_I know you can’t remember how to shine_

_Your heart’s a bird without the wings to fly_

Castiel was walking, and he could hear Dean, could feel him.

He was coming to him, coming back.

And though Castiel realized Dean’s phone must’ve been dead, he still called it, still had the urge to talk to him even when he wasn’t there.

“Dean, I’m coming. Just keep talking to me. Keep praying. I’m here.”

_Is anybody out there?_

_Can you take this weight of mine?_

_Is anybody out there?_

_Can you lead me to the light?_

“I’m here, Cas. I’m here. We’re gonna fix this. You and me, you hear? The way it’s supposed to be. I know I always said it was just me and Sam. But it’s not. And it hasn’t been for a long-ass time. It’s me and you and Sam and Jack. It’s us. All of us. And it’s gotta be built back up somewhere. So come on, let me get you, baby. If you’re still on that road thinking I don’t give a damn, you’re wrong. You’re so fucking wrong.”

_You are not alone_

_I’ve been here the whole time_

_Singing you a song_

_I will carry you_

_I will carry you_

“I know you didn’t leave because you didn’t care. You’re hurt, Dean. I’m hurt. Just keep coming. Keep praying. Please. Please… I need you. I need you.”

_You are not alone_

_I’ve been here the whole time_

“I need you.”

_You are not alone (not alone)_

_I’ve been here the whole time_

A familiar engine sounded in Castiel’s ears, and he hung up the phone. Headlights glared like bright messengers from Heaven out of the dark, and they came towards Cas. He kept walking, each step assured now, ready. They could do this. They would do this.

The Impala pulled up in front of Cas, and Dean got out, legs weak. Even from here Castiel could hear his heart hammering, and he was sure the blood was rushing in his ears. Cas’ body was just about doing the same thing.

But everything else fell away. The dark, the light. It was just Dean.

Dean was breathing heavy with emotion.

“Cas, I’m sorry.”

Cas just rushed to him, and hugged him hard, harder than he’d ever hugged anyone before. He never wanted to let go.

“I heard your prayers.”

_Singing you a song_

_I will carry you_

_I will carry you_

Dean was stunned, completely frozen, as Castiel held him. As _Castiel_ held him. His best friend, his angel, his family.

Dean wrapped his arms around him in response, all of him burning and aching and weak. Oh god, Cas.

“I’ve got you,” Dean told him, even as he felt Cas’ body tremble and tense in his. “I always have. This thing — what happened — it hurts. It bleeds like nothin’ else. And that’s why we’re going to fight. We’re gonna get ‘em back.”

_(Is anybody out there?)_

Castiel breathed in Dean’s scent. “We will.”

He pulled back just a few inches, and then held Dean’s face in his, the roughness of his stubble against his palms the greatest feeling in the world. There were tears in their eyes and everything fell into place. The life he’d always loved and felt, even before it had begun — it was here. It was here, beating strongly against his own chest, like they were joined. Perhaps they always had been.

_I will carry you_

_I will carry you_

Dean couldn’t speak any longer, just fell further into Castiel’s touch, against his body.

“ _Angels are watching over you,_ ” his mom had always said.

She’d been wrong about one thing. Not _angels_ , plural, but one. One angel. And it was like he’d always been there.

_(Is anybody out there?)_

They reached out for each other at the same time, lips meeting, breaths twining together, and then stopping. They loved each other so much it hurt, but it comforted them, down to their very foundations.

They were family, and they would carry each other through anything.

_I know it hurts_

_It’s hard to breathe sometimes_


End file.
